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Tuesday, October 25, 2011

10.21.11 Weigh In

Starting Weight: 478
Last week: 476.4
Weight 10.21: 468.6
Loss this week: 7.8lbs
Total loss: 9.4lbs

I did everything right last week as far as what went into my body. This week I have to master the working out (story of my life). Although I didn't get any fitness last week - I am still SO PROUD of myself!!! :) 

What did you do last week to make yourself proud?

Monday, October 24, 2011

Weekend Success!

Usually, on Monday's i am reeling from a 3 day binge-fest, nursing my food hangover, and promising myself that this time - this week - will be different. 

This time I will be the boss of my eating, and workouts will be my bitch. 

But not this Monday. 

This Monday I woke up refreshed from an awesome weekend of eating right, and taking care of myself. 

My feet are not swollen because I stupidly drank soda all weekend -they are comfortable and my shoes fit because  I drank a full gallon of water Friday, Saturday, and Sunday. 

Having this on-track weekend may seem like a small victory - but it is HUGE! And it showed in my weigh in this morning (tune in tomorrow for those results). 

I haven't had a weekend like this in I can't tell you how long. 

I feel amazing, proud, refreshed, and ready to face the week! 

How was your weekend? 

Thursday, October 20, 2011


I love feeling free, with nothing to worry about. 

You know what feels so freeing to me right now?

-making a grocery list without worrying if the food is healthy-

-stopping by Wendy's (Arby's, Taco Bell - you get the idea) just cause I feel like it-

-no time constraints on my evening (laying on the couch as long as I want)-

-not worrying about my health-

But- I can't go through life like that! 
I have to stay strong, and stick my nose right to the pavement! Know why? Cause these things will be WAY more freeing...

-walking into a room and NOT wondering if I will fit in the chairs-

-riding a roller coaster-

-walking up the stairs at my apartment without feeling like death-

-not always wondering what everyone thinks of my size-

-feeling hot-

-going to concerts-

-NOT living everyday of life as a morbidly obese girl-

What makes you feel free?

Tuesday, October 18, 2011

Monday Morning Weigh In (10/17)

My camera is dead - need to get batteries.

Starting weight: 478
Current Weight: 476.4

This is THE LAST time I will be here. It just has to be. 

Monday, October 17, 2011

My Birthday Cake Epiphany

I've been floating through life the last month or so eating what I want, and not even caring about being healthy or losing weight. Something happened last week that snapped me back to reality. 

One of my co-workers had a birthday on Friday, and another of my co-workers started talking to me about getting her a cake. When I said that I wasn't getting one, this co-worker seemed a little panicked - "It's her birthday! She HAS to have a cake!" 

After the conversation I started thinking back to one month ago - to my birthday. No one got me a cake.

*updated to add - DISCLAIMER: This does not include my lovely hubby, who got me a very nice dessert cookie*

 I had not one piece of cake for my birthday. Now, this is not a "wah wah no one loves me because they didn't get me cake" or a "yah me - i avoided the temptation of cake on my birthday!" moment. 

Nope, this is a moment of  "Oh. My. God. No got me a cake because I am fat and they think I need to lose weight." Now, my more realistic self thinks (knows) that they (my friends and family) did this out of love. They all know I am trying to get healthy and so they probably thought that not getting me a cake would be like doing me a favor. They WANT me to be healthy.

But that's not how I felt. I felt ashamed, and guilty, and a little bit hurt. 

How fat do you have to be to not be given cake on your BIRTHDAY? I mean, seriously?

Sometime I forget the way other people must see me. 

Then I thought - can I blame everyone? My health is completely out of hand. I've failed at my recent attempts to get healthier - and now I'm back up on the scale (weigh in post to come soon), and feeling like crap. How many times am I going to ride this freakin roller coaster?!? 

I decided to make it motivate me. 

Motivate me to get it together. 

Motivate me to put in the effort. 

Motivate me to be the skinny/healthy person who no one thinks twice about getting a birthday cake for. 

So, I'm pulling myself up by my bootstraps, and going again. Changing again. Starting again. 

I can use all the support I can get. 

Please continue to not buy me cake.  

Wednesday, September 21, 2011

Day After Birthday Weign In!

Good morning people!

Today's weigh in results:


Starting weight: 478
Last weeks weight: 455
Lost this week: -9
Total lost: 14

My graph:

How I'm feeling:

It's always disappointing when I see a gain - but I'm not going to stress out about it too much. I've had a great week, I've been eating well, working out, and getting plenty of rest. 

I'm pretty sure that water weight is responsible for 90% of my gain (the other 10% is because I did not count calories on my birthday yesterday). My wonderful parents took me to Red Lobster last night for my birthday dinner, and I had 3 of those yummy delicious biscuits with even more salty food (I'm still counting it as a victory though, because I didn't get Endless Shrimp - holler if you hear me!) - and I'm extra puffy this morning.

So today I will chug water, watch my salt intake, and that 9lbs. will probably be gonna by tomorrow or Friday!

Friday, September 16, 2011

Early Morning Workout

I DID IT!!! 
Words cannot describe how proud of myself I am. If you follow me on twitter, you know I've been trying to get to the gym before work for a WHILE. 

Yesterday morning, my alarm went off at 4:40am, like it does most every morning, and my immediate reaction was "NOOOO!" I even turned my alarm off and reset it for a later time. 

Then, I thought, "Well, I do have to pee - let me just think about it while I'm peeing..." (tmi?)

So, I was sitting there on the toilet for like 5 minutes arguing with myself, and finally I decided to put my clothes on, and see how I felt then. I told myself that if I put my clothes on, and I still wanted to go back to bed, that I would do it. 

When I got my clothes on, I decided to just walk to the car and then see how I felt. 

Once I got in the car - I was more awake, and felt sure I could make it! 

I got to the gym, and picked out a treadmill, turned on my Pandora, and started walking. 

While I was walking,  i made this mental list of why the gym is better in the mornings:
  • far less people
  • no waiting for equipment
  • everyone at the gym is not trying to put on a fashion show
  • it's cooler there in the mornings
I intended to do 1 hour of walking, and head home. I was feeling so great - then around minute 15 my foot started hurting. No, not my bone spur, but the bottom of my left foot. I was getting a blister. 

I tried to adjust my shoe and sock, but it didn't help. I knew I couldn't make it 1 hour and still be able to walk, so I made myself go for 30 minutes, and started my cool down. 

Final workout numbers:

My post workout look (sexy!):

 I hobbled to the car and I started to get frustrated. I got myself up, and to the gym, and then I had to deal with stupid blister pain. 

Why couldn't it be easier?

I stopped myself and realized that I was being a big baby. 

It's not easy. None of this is easy. It's not easy to count calories. It's not easy to go to the gym. And, it's not going to be easy to lose 300+ pounds. 

But it will be worth it.

Thursday, September 15, 2011

Filling Up My Bucket

 My feet and legs tend to get swollen very easily as we all learned in this post. In order to keep that to a minimum, I have to make sure I get my water in everyday - if I skip it, or if I don't drink enough, I end up with this: 

And that - well - it ain't purdy. 

In my mind I like to think of the extra fluid in my body as water in a bucket. Every moring, I wake up with a bucket that is half full, on the verge of tipping over. 

When I drink water, I add more water to the bucket. When I've drank (drunk? drunken? dranken?) enough water, then my bucket gets full, and tips over, keeping me from swelling up! 

It's sort of like a game show, or relay race - where one person has a tiny cup to fill up a huge bucket and the first person to fill up their bucket and make it tip over - wins! 

If I drink enough to fill up my bucket, I WIN! And by win...I mean my ankles and feet look like this (and don't hurt):

[Please ignore the crappy photo taken on my phone (and that my feet are in need of a pedicure).]

Now, if I eat salty foods - it makes my bucket bigger, and bigger, and BIGGER! And it takes more water to make it tip over. 

I hope my ramblings on buckets has not thoroughly confused/bored any of you. 

Please note: I am not a doctor or medical professional in any capacity - this bucket business is just a mental tool I use to keep me chuggin water. 

Wednesday, September 14, 2011

Wednesday Weigh In

Hello lovelies...

Today's weigh in results are:

(I'm going to work on my scale photography!) 

Starting weight: 478
Last weeks weight: 463
Lost this week: 7.8
Total lost: 22.8

How my weight loss chart looks:

Thoughts, feeling, concerns, etc:

WAHOO!!! :) I AM celebrating this loss - but still wondering how much more it could have been if I had worked out!

I'll find out next week! :)

Have a fabulous day!

Tuesday, September 13, 2011

Empty Plans and Broken Dreams

(Ok, so that title was a wee bit dramatic. :)

I feel guilty. I don't want to let you guys down. I don't want to let MYSELF down. I hate that I keep talking about getting more fitness - making plans and declarations (like here, here, and here) and not following through. 

I read other blogs where people work out morning, noon, and night - and I can't workout for 30 minutes? Now, since I've made myself my 30 day promise, my calorie intake has been spot on, but working out is an ESSENTIAL part of weight loss and health, and its a constant struggle for me. 

So I need your help - 

What motivates you to get to the gym?

What do you do to make the decision easier for yourself?

Tell me your tips! 

Thursday, September 8, 2011

What I Ate Wednesday - on Thursday

One Starbuck's light mocha, and 3 hard boiled eggs

Calories: 309, Carbs 21, Fat 17, Protein 22

Leftover homemade bar-b-q chicken pizza from last night (this is not actually MY pizza, but it looks a lot like it and I really wanted pics for all entries - I know, I'm crazy).

Calories 995, Carbs 101, Fat 21, Protein 25

Dark Chocolate Granola thin.

Calories 80, Carbs 11, Fat 4, Protein 1

Chicken Noodle soup and Ritz Crackers

Calories 600, Carbs 76, Fat 31, Protein 14

Bedtime Snack:
Cheddar Cheese Slice

Calories 80, Carbs 0, Fat 7, Protein 5

Totals: Calories 2064, Carbs 209, Fat 80, Protein 67

Where's the color? Clearly, a few adjustments need to be need. I am on track with calories but seriously lacking in the fruit/veggie department. 

What did YOU eat yesterday?

Do you have any ideas for sneaking veggies into meals?

Wednesday, September 7, 2011

First week, down!

My weigh in results from this morning:

 Starting weight: 478.0lbs.
Weight last week: 469.2 lbs
Lost this week: 6.2 lbs
Total lost: 15 lbs


I feel great! Week one went off without a hitch in spite of the holiday weekend, and celebrating my Dad's birthday on Saturday. 

I'm sorta feeling just like this:

Tuesday, September 6, 2011

Hunger is Not an Emergency

I woke up Sunday morning and had a green smoothie around 9-ish. I decided that I would wait until 12 and have a snack, then have lunch at 2.

Around 11:30 I started to feel hungry. Not I-wanna-eat-so-I'm-telling-myself-I'm-hungry hunger...but real, actual hunger.

I panicked. "Oh crap, I'm hungry. I'ts not time to eat yet. I have to eat. I don't want my metabolism to slow down. If I eat now I'll be hungrier tonight because all my meals will be pushed up."


I caught myself. Being hungry (I'm talking about mild hunger - not starving myself, and I'm eating the proper calories for me), is not an emergency. I will not shrivel up and die if I feel hunger for 30 minutes until I eat my snack.

So, I drank some water and waited for a little while until it was time to eat.

Some of you might say that I should eat when I am hungry - but I just don't trust myself with that yet. Hopefully I will get there soon.

So, crisis averted - I started thinking...

Why did/do I react to hunger this way?

Is it because I've rarely (if ever) let myself feel hunger before I decided to change my life?

Am I the only person who feels this way at times?

Am I the most food obsessed person on the planet (sometimes I feel like it)?

Am I crazy?

Well, am I?

Friday, September 2, 2011

1st Official Weigh In

Oh. Sweet. Baby. Jesus - I'm really puttin' my balls out there on this one.

I'm scared to post this - so scared. I'm doing it though, because I feel as though it's an important part of my weight loss journey.  

Weigh in 9/1/2011:

Starting Weight: 478.0 lbs.
Current weight: 469.2 lbs.
Total loss: -8.8 lbs.

When I jumped on the scale yesterday morning and saw that I have gained SO MUCH of the weight back that I had lost - my first reaction was:

Then, I felt like this for about an hour: 

And now? Now I'm just like:

So...LET'S DO IT!!!

Thursday, September 1, 2011

Thirty Days

I hate excuses!
Listen, we all know I've been an absentee blogger. And we know that, usually - if someone has stopped talking/writing about something, they have stopped doing it. 

And I have.

I have no excuses. I've had to traumatic event to prevent me from continuing to do well and get to my goal - I just got lazy. Super Lazy. And now - I feel like crap. Absolute, total crap. My feet hurt, my legs hurt, my back hurts...and it's my fault!!!

Turn around!

Sometimes, when you let yourself stop chasing your goals, you get down. And you  start to think things like:

"I have too much weight to lose"
"I'll never be able to do it"
"I'm too tired to change my situation"

And then, a few days ago, while I was all funk-i-fied i actually thought:

"You know what, maybe I should just take the rest of the year off and start again in January."

WHAT?!? Are you kidding me, self?!? You wanna throw away all the work you've done so far, and just gain all the weight back? What the HECK was I thinking?

Sadly, I have already gained a large chunk of it back (more on that tomorrow).

Bottom line: I need to get my shit together - with a quickness.

Plan of action!

"Goals without plans are just wishes."

Right now I am feeling extremely overwhelmed with the amount of time and effort it will take to get where I want to be.

So, Inspired by Skinny Emmie, I've decided to say focused and on track every day in September.

30 days. 

30 days to stay on the right track. I'm not planning past that right now. I'm just taking it one day at a time until I reach 30.

I'll count calories, drink water, workout like crazy, and write down every bite of food I put in my mouth.

Another step I'm taking - I've decided to post my weigh in's on my blog. I don't mean just "I lost x pounds this week". I mean, I picture of the scale - oh man - SCARY!

If I start to get overwhelmed I will just remind myself that it is only 30 days. And I can do just about anything for 30 days. 

Friday, July 29, 2011

I'm Done Waiting Until Monday!

Remember Sunday night when I tweeted this?:

Martha Duff
The plan is to be at the gym at 5am tomorrow morning. Hold me accountable - ask me if I went sometime tomorrow! I need ya!

Umm, yea, the plan didn't really work out so great. I've been horrible this week and it all started with an 11.2lb gain this week at Monday's weigh in. Yes, ELEVEN. 

Holy Ball Sacks

Now, I do attribute most of that to water weight (remember my cankles?), but you and I both know that is wasn't all water weight. 

The week went downhill from there. Last night I thought to myself, "I really need to get my sh*t together! I'll start fresh on Monday."

Then my other self said "NO! Start fresh today! Right now!" 

So I did.

It was 8:30pm - I went to bed, so that I could get up before work and head to the grocery store and stock up. 

My haul:

I got (starting at the left):
-roasted turkey
-4 pink lady apples
-4 georgia peaches
-2 mangoes
-2 half gallons of vanilla almond milk (I've never tried this before, I'm excited!)
-2 containers of 0% dannon plain greek yogurt
-3 containers reduced fat feta (1 plain, 2 tomato/basil)
-1 giant bag of collard greens (for green monsters)
-1 giant bag of kale (for green monsters)
-2 semi-giant bags of spinach
-two mustards
-two honeys
-18 eggs

My total was around $54 - not bad for a weeks worth of food. 

Tonight I have plans with a friend, but I am going straight to the gym after work - before we go out. 

I am/was on a slippery slope and I can't let myself slide!

Ever saved yourself from your own slippery slope?

Monday, July 25, 2011

Cankles and Baby Ducks!

My weekend:

Keith and I went out to the country ("the country" is what we call the area my mom's side of family lives in) and visited with everyone! 

At my aunt and uncle's house we played with baby ducks,

and had a great time! 

It was hot. Super hot.

So, I hung out outside all day in (in the super hotness), didn't drink enough water (I justified this by saying I didn't have to - it was cheat day, after all) - and when we got home late on Saturday night, my feet looked like this:


It's Monday morning, and even though I drank a ton of water yesterday, I'm still retaining like a camel. Serves me right!!!

This weeks goals:

-drink 150oz+ water every day - even the weekend!
-get up every morning and be at the gym at 5 (epic fail on this today because of my stupid ringer)
-take everything ONE day at a time!

What are your goals this week?

Friday, July 22, 2011

Now's The Time





Multiple Sclerosis

I've been realizing more lately that I take my health for granted - I take my body for granted. And I don't like the way I've made myself feel. 

I feel so guilty that I am (not 'was' - I still struggle - all the time)  DESTROYING my perfectly good and healthy body with food. And with pure laziness. 

There are many, many people in the world with ailments that take over their lives - people with disabilities. People who would probably give anything - do anything - to have a functioning healthy body. 

High Blood Pressure

Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome

Bone Spurs

Insulin Resistance


These are the conditions I have brought upon myself. Because of how I've treated my body. 

How could I take the gift of life - of a perfectly healthy body - and do these things to it?

I know I'm making strides in the right direction. But, when I am out and I see someone in a wheelchair, or I hear of someone who died too young from Parkinson's, or hear of someone getting diagnosed with cancer -  I feel that pang of guilt: I could do more with myself. I should have started sooner. I shouldn't have let it get this far. 

I know that feeling guilty will do no good. 

No - this is the time for action. 

I'm not going to sit on the sidelines of life anymore and hope things get better. 

I'm going to MAKE them better. 

This is the time to take back my life - my health, before I lose my chance. 

This is my chance, my opportunity - NOW is my time.   


Monday, July 11, 2011


Biggest Loser Week 5:

We had our weigh in today....I lost SIX pounds! That brings my total lost to 51.6 pounds! And, I'm back on top! 


Even though I'm 51.6 pounds down from my highest weight, most of the time I can't really tell a difference in the way I look. I FEEL better, but it's nice to SEE change, too. 

I was looking through pictures on my phone today, and I found this picture from a Stone Mountain trip a few years back...I was SHOCKED at how different I look. It might not seem like that big of a change to you, but it seems fairly drastic to me!

Nice, right? I can't believe that girl on the left is me - she looks like a caricature of me! 

What do you think? 

Wednesday, July 6, 2011

Biggest Loser - Week 4

Biggest Loser Update:

We had our weekly weigh in (usually on Monday's) this Morning now that everyone is back from vacation. I am down 1 pound from last Monday. I think this is great since I was horrible less than perfect during the Holiday, also because I forgot out the weigh-in, and had already drank 60oz of water beforehand.
Umm, excuses. 

And now *sigh* I am not in first place anymore. I told the current first place holder to enjoy his week on top - because it will be over next Monday!

How did you do with any goals/life changes/anything you're working on over the weekend?

Friday, July 1, 2011

Goals for July

In July I will:

  • burn at least 10,000 calories

  • eat 75,000 calories or less

  • drink at least 150oz water every day (even the weekends!)

  • eat more fruits and veggies (at least 5 servings a day)

  • be my own Super Hero (I mean, I AM pretty awesome!)

What are your goals for July?

Wednesday, June 29, 2011

I'm an Addict

the state of being enslaved to a habit or practice or to something that is psychologically or physically habit-forming to such an extent that its cessation causes severe trauma.

I'm addicted. 

Just like an Alcoholic.

Just like a smoker.

Just like a junkie on the corner shooting himself up.

I'm addicted to food. That's a very hard thing to admit. It's a struggle. Every day, every hour - sometimes every minute - I have to battle myself because I want that cake that my co-worker brought in, that leftover dinner from last night, that spoon full of peanut butter. I want to eat...

-when I'm happy-

-when I'm sad-

-when I'm angry-

-when I'm bored-

-when I wake up-

-before I go to bed-

I'm not going to lie. It's hard - really hard. For me, losing weight is not JUST about working out and eating the right things - It's about overcoming my addiction.

Have you overcome any addictions? Are you struggling with any now? 

Friday, June 24, 2011


Listen, I don't know if you know this, but I am not a yoga connoisseur. I've never done yoga...except one time in a friends living room we popped in a DVD and I lasted about 1 minute and 30 seconds. 

But, I have been thinking about it for a few days. Trying to decide if I want to do it - if I'm even CAPABLE of doing it. Even beginners yoga seems far out of my reach right now. 

Then, yesterday, while reading a blog I follow, I came across this photo:

At first I just stared at it - I couldn't believe someone's body could bend like that. Now - as I said before, I don't know much anything about yoga...but this looks like the most difficult pose EVER. 

So I sat, and I looked at this photo a little longer, and what had first been the thought "that is impossible, I could never do that" slowly turned into, "I'm going to do that one matter how long it takes me to get there."

So, I made a change to the photo - 

and I set it as my desktop background, and the wallpaper on my phone. 

It may look like a random picture, but for some reason it really inspires me. 

I will do that pose someday.

What inspires you? 

Tuesday, June 21, 2011

Just Keep Swimming...


Last week, after we joined the gym on Sunday, I worked out a total of 3 times. Not bad for the first week - but I'm absolutely aiming for more this week. I went to the gym last night (45 mins of treadmill and 30 minutes of weights - shoulders). We have plans to go at least 4 more times this week (Today, Wednesday, Thursday, and Saturday morning). And - BONUS - last night on the treadmill the 45 minutes FLEW by. AND! - I'm tying Zumba tonight with Carrie! Very exciting! PLUS! I'm almost to my calorie burnt goal for the month!


I had a few slip ups this weekend, but overall my eating has been on point. I'm sticking to this plan and things are going great! 

I'm terribly sorry that I did not do Monday Munchies this week! I completely forgot to take pics of my food on Sunday - Oiy. 

Biggest Loser:

The Biggest Loser competition at work is cranking up! We had our first weigh in on Monday morning and Carrie and I made this board to display the results (still having issues getting my photos turned the right way!):

As you can see...I'm dominating! :) We determined that the two people below the red line every week must put $2 in the pot. The person with the highest percentage of weight loss at the end will win all the money! 

Weigh In:

I lost a whopping 6.6 lbs this week bringing my total to 44.6 lbs lost! Almost to 50! 
Right now - I feel like I've reached a good stride and if I just stay on this auto-pilot I will get where I want to be. Right now I feel like that - doesn't mean I will feel like that in 10 minutes. 

Friday, June 17, 2011

Notebook of Love

I Eat:

I eat six times a day. 6 small meals. (there are times on the weekends when I don't do this - I'll have bigger meals and less of them) I have been doing this for a few weeks now, and it is amazing! Amazing for several reasons:
  • I made myself s schedule, that way if I think I'm hungry (AKA I'm bored to I want to eat), then I can look at my schedule ...

...and tell myself it's not time yet. I taped it right in from of my on my desk.
  • I never get starved, and I never get super full - I always feel balanced
  • It's just awesome, ok?
Notebook Inspiration:

I took Beth's (at Beth's Journey) advise and started a notebook...

with my before pictures on the inside cover, and "love" stuff inside. I write down quotes that keep me going, nice thing people say regarding my progress, and anything that just lifts me up. 

That way, if I'm having a rough day, I can open it and read instead of eating a pizza. I just started it, but I can tell it's going to be very helpful!

What little tools do you use to help on YOUR journey (whatever that may be)?

Thursday, June 16, 2011

The Dreaded Before Pictures

Listen, I want you to know that I really thought about weather or not I should put my before pictures on here. I mean, it IS really scary. Do I really want to put myself out there? Do I REALLY want to put on a bathing suit and show everyone what I look like?

Answer: YES! 

I think it's important - it's important (to me) for everyone who is reading and watching to know where I'm coming from. It's important for me to take a good look at myself and reiterate that this is a place where I do NOT want to be anymore. I want to be COMFORTABLE in a bathing suit. I want to skip the anxiety that goes along with going to the pool. I want to just be HAPPY with my body.  

So please know - I don't do this lightly.

It's ok though - because soon (in a year or two), I will be posting this picture:

Before - After :)

Ok, OK -this is a little unrealistic -  my tatas PROBABLY won't be that big. I'm just saying.