10.21.11 Weigh In

Starting Weight: 478

Last week: 476.4

Weight 10.21: 468.6

Loss this week: 7.8lbs

Total loss: 9.4lbs

I did everything right last week as far as what went into my body. This week I have to master the working out (story of my life). Although I didn't get any fitness last week - I am still SO PROUD of myself!!! :) 

What did you do last week to make yourself proud?

Weekend Success!

Usually, on Monday's i am reeling from a 3 day binge-fest, nursing my food hangover, and promising myself that this time - this week - will be different. 

This time I will be the boss of my eating, and workouts will be my bitch. 

But not this Monday. 

This Monday I woke up refreshed from an awesome weekend of eating right, and taking care of myself. 

My feet are not swollen because I stupidly drank soda all weekend -they are comfortable and my shoes fit because  I drank a full gallon of water Friday, Saturday, and Sunday. 

Having this on-track weekend may seem like a small victory - but it is HUGE! And it showed in my weigh in this morning (tune in tomorrow for those results). 

I haven't had a weekend like this in I can't tell you how long. 

I feel amazing, proud, refreshed, and ready to face the week! 

How was your weekend? 

Freedom

I love feeling free, with nothing to worry about. 

You know what feels so freeing to me right now?

-making a grocery list without worrying if the food is healthy-

-stopping by Wendy's (Arby's, Taco Bell - you get the idea) just cause I feel like it-

-no time constraints on my evening (laying on the couch as long as I want)-

-not worrying about my health-

But- I can't go through life like that! 

I have to stay strong, and stick my nose right to the pavement! Know why? Cause these things will be WAY more freeing...

-walking into a room and NOT wondering if I will fit in the chairs-

-riding a roller coaster-

-walking up the stairs at my apartment without feeling like death-

-not always wondering what everyone thinks of my size-

-feeling hot-

-going to concerts-

-NOT living everyday of life as a morbidly obese girl-

What makes you feel free?

Monday Morning Weigh In (10/17)

My camera is dead - need to get batteries.

Starting weight: 478

Current Weight: 476.4

This is THE LAST time I will be here. It just has to be. 

My Birthday Cake Epiphany

I've been floating through life the last month or so eating what I want, and not even caring about being healthy or losing weight. Something happened last week that snapped me back to reality. 

One of my co-workers had a birthday on Friday, and another of my co-workers started talking to me about getting her a cake. When I said that I wasn't getting one, this co-worker seemed a little panicked - "It's her birthday! She HAS to have a cake!" 

After the conversation I started thinking back to one month ago - to my birthday. No one got me a cake.


*updated to add - DISCLAIMER: This does not include my lovely hubby, who got me a very nice dessert cookie*

 I had not one piece of cake for my birthday. Now, this is not a "wah wah no one loves me because they didn't get me cake" or a "yah me - i avoided the temptation of cake on my birthday!" moment. 

Nope, this is a moment of  "Oh. My. God. No got me a cake because I am fat and they think I need to lose weight." Now, my more realistic self thinks (knows) that they (my friends and family) did this out of love. They all know I am trying to get healthy and so they probably thought that not getting me a cake would be like doing me a favor. They WANT me to be healthy.

But that's not how I felt. I felt ashamed, and guilty, and a little bit hurt. 

How fat do you have to be to not be given cake on your BIRTHDAY? I mean, seriously?

Sometime I forget the way other people must see me. 

Then I thought - can I blame everyone? My health is completely out of hand. I've failed at my recent attempts to get healthier - and now I'm back up on the scale (weigh in post to come soon), and feeling like crap. How many times am I going to ride this freakin roller coaster?!? 

I decided to make it motivate me. 

Motivate me to get it together. 

Motivate me to put in the effort. 

Motivate me to be the skinny/healthy person who no one thinks twice about getting a birthday cake for. 

So, I'm pulling myself up by my bootstraps, and going again. Changing again. Starting again. 

I can use all the support I can get. 

Please continue to not buy me cake.